Just Outside Fear

I've been trying to figure out why I hoard and clutter...and refuse to let go of so much stuff.

The answer is fear.

Fear that I will need it.

Fear that it will be gone.

Fear I will never be able to replace it.

Fear that I will lose something of value.

It's this constant nagging. I feel the weight of it upon my shoulders. Its burden rubbing rope burns on my back.

Why can't I just let go?

I'm having to remind myself that God is GOOD!  And He will provide!

But do I believe it?

I've been thinking about how Jesus said to "look at the birds of the air" for they "do not sow or reap or store away in barns."  But what happens? "Your heavenly Father feeds them."  And I love how He ends with "are you not much more valuable than they?"  The answer is a resounding, "YES!" (Matthew 6:26)

I've been thinking of another parable. The one about the man who hoards his grain after a good growing year.  The Bible says this man "thought within himself, saying, 'What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?' So he said, 'I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build grater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. And I will say to my soul, "Soul, you have many good laid up for many years; take your ease, drink and be merry." ' " (Luke 12:17-19)

But before he could "take his ease", he died.

What good was all his hoarding?  He didn't have a chance to use it.

Maybe God is asking me to let go of my need to prepare my own way but to depend on Him like the Israelites did in the wilderness. Every day they were asked to pick up manna. They were not able to keep it overnight.  Maybe this is the trust God desires me to have and why Jesus told His disciples to pray, "Give us this day our daily bread?"

Perhaps He just wants me to Trust.